Intentional Tuesdays

The phrase work-life balance has been around for a long, long time.  I’ve always struggled with this phrase for a few reasons.  For me, the boundary between work and life feels arbitrary and unhelpful.  If you think of work and life as separate and distinct, it is inevitable to experience tension between them.  At the same time, I appreciate that work and life have a meaningful distinction for most people, so we’ll come back to this topic some other day.

For now, let’s focus on this idea of ‘balance’.  Dictionary.com offers two definitions:

1. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady
2. A condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.  

There are things about these definitions that I like and things that I don’t, as they apply to Life Design.  I like the idea of keeping something ‘upright and steady’, as a metaphor...

When was the last time you changed your mind about something?  I’m not talking about some in-the-moment decision, like ordering the steak or the quinoas salad.  I’m talking about changing your mind on an important topic or even changing one of your core beliefs.  I asked myself this question…when was the last time that I changed my mind?  The answer was alarming.

I’ll save the deep exploration of my own thinking for the video portion of this post.  Suffice to say, I found it really difficult to come up with examples where I changed my mind on a significant topic. This surprised me, because I see myself as an open-minded person.  If that is true, then why don’t I have a bunch of examples where I changed my mind?  Is it because I’m just on the right side of the argument most of the time?  Wait, don’t answer that.

Let’s talk about the phenomenon of changing our minds.  To keep us on...

 What does it take to make a change in your life?  What makes the difference between grand plans real progress?  In one word…Process. 

Significant change, requires more than simple resolve. Resolve is the first step, to be sure.  However, without a process resolve will fizzle out and you’ll be left exactly where you started.    

I recently listened to author Dan Brown’s Masterclass and he had a chapter titled, “Protecting Your Process.”  In this lesson, Dan explains that writing a novel is a long process, not something you can accomplish overnight, no matter how inspired you may be.  Writing a novel requires you to implement and stick to a process of writing, a little bit each day.  The same logic holds true for making changes to our Life Design.  

Most of us intuit this.  If we want to get in shape, one trip to the gym isn’t going to get us there.  If we want to strategically...

Are you the type of person who holds a grudge?  What does it really mean to hold a grudge and what benefit do we get when we do?  What are the costs of holding a grudge?  Is there a better alternative?  If any of these questions pique your interest, then grab yourself a coffee and stick around a while.  It’s about to get real in here.

Grudge vs. Forgiveness vs. Revenge

Let’s start with a few definitions. 

• Dictionary.com defines ‘grudge’ as a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from past insult or injury.  
• Dictionary.com defines ‘forgive’ as granting pardon for an offense and to cease feeling resentment for an offense. 
• Dictionary.com defines 'revenge' as enacting punishment for an offense.

As I read these definitions, I was struck by the polarity.  If someone commits some kind of transgression against me, I can hold a grudge, presumably indefinitely.  This...

Given the choice between certainty and randomness, we usually choose certainty.  Sometimes, even if we know the choice that we’re making is not great, we’ll opt for the devil we know.  There is comfort in certainty.  There is safety in certainty.  Of course, certainty is an illusion. But we’ll get to that soon enough.  

I’ve you’ve spent much time around the Life Design Center, you’ve heard me talk about fear.  I like talking about it. That’s because fear is the number one reason, by far, that people don’t take the necessary steps towards improving their lives.  Instead of taking action, many people prefer to stand still and simply endure.  They do their best to adapt to make their current circumstances tolerable.  They make the best of a crummy job, a failing relationship, deteriorating health…you get the idea.  If this sounds familiar, fear not, you’re not alone. 

A...

Most of us live a significant portion of our lives driven by the philosophy: more is better. We may not even realize that we’re doing this. You can always use more money. There’s always another promotion to achieve. Who doesn’t need more space? Perhaps you are not into the material trappings. If it’s recognition that you crave, you can always have more likes, more shares, more accolades, more admirers. You can always have more friends, more connections. I can give more examples, but I think you get the idea. (See what I did there?)

There are a few problems inherent in the more is better model. For one, this race never ends. As soon as you achieve the next level, there is a new one right there, vying for your time and attention. We’re wired to keep climbing. I am exhausted. How about you? 

Another problem is the corollary to more is better. It’s called less is worse and it’s even more insidious because it operates almost entirely in our...

Have you ever found yourself avoiding an important topic because you fear how the conversation may go? This is something that I struggle with from time to time and I always feel a twinge of inauthenticity whenever I avoid a difficult conversation. Why then, do I often choose to avoid the conversation even though I know I’ll feel bad for having done so?

Most people, myself included, prefer to avoid conflict. We instinctively avoid topics of discussion where we’re likely to encounter opposing opinions and perspectives. We prefer to stay on safe ground. We talk about the weather. We talk about what we did last weekend. We talk about sports. The other stuff can get messy. Why bother getting into that? 

Messy is all that matters.

Life gets boring when we all agree on everything. The sky is blue. The Earth is flat. Dinner is at 7. These are facts, objectively observed and identically recorded by all parties. Although conversations around these topics can be...

Are you going to make real progress in your life over the next year? The answer to that question will likely come down to your answer to this one: Are you planning to make a significant investment in yourself? Resolutions are great, but when it comes to making real change and achieving real benefits, what we need are investments, not empty promises.

The problem that I encounter quite often at the Life Design Center is that many people have a misunderstanding of the term, Investment. As a result of this, they fail to make solid investments in themselves. Let’s start by examining the elements of a true Investment. I think there are 4…

• Investments require intentional planning. Life is always happening and we grow from every experience. That is not the same as intentionally setting a goal and establishing a plan to achieve it. When we’re intentional about something it changes our experience of the thing, usually for the better. It’s the difference between...

A few years ago I changed the way I set my New Year’s resolutions and since then I’ve had a lot more success making them stick, and most importantly, making real progress. Here’s how…

Don't Set Goals.  Establish a Theme.

Goal setting is important, but also brings risks. We often overestimate what we can accomplish in a short amount of time. We also tend to set goals that allow for only two possibilities…total success or total failure. Personally, I usually end up with the fuzzy end of that lollipop. The biggest risk is that our goals and resolutions don’t make room for the unknown. We can’t know what tomorrow will bring, let alone 365 tomorrows. Our goals and resolutions need to be flexible enough to accommodate the uncertainty of life while still pointing us in the right direction.

Establishing a theme does this. Keep your theme short and sweet. One-word themes are my favorite. A few years ago my theme...

Why do we put off for tomorrow what we can do today, even though it has the potential to improve our lives? When it comes to Life Design, procrastination is a huge obstacle and it’s one that many people never overcome. These people never make the changes that could improve their lives and instead remain stuck in their old patterns and circumstances.

When this happens, there is almost always one reason…Fear. 

How does fear come into play when it comes to procrastination? Let’s explore…

In his hysterical TED Talk, blogger Tim Urban describes his Instant Gratification Monkey-brain that is trained to seek activities that are easy or fun. Admit it. You have a bit of Instant Gratification Monkey inside you, right? We all do. Here is the thing. The Instant Gratification Monkey has a darker side, which is that we avoid things that we fear may be difficult or painful. If your goal is to procrastinate less, you must examine both sides. Are you ready? 

Start...