The Problem with Balance

The phrase work-life balance has been around for a long, long time.  I’ve always struggled with this phrase for a few reasons.  For me, the boundary between work and life feels arbitrary and unhelpful.  If you think of work and life as separate and distinct, it is inevitable to experience tension between them.  At the same time, I appreciate that work and life have a meaningful distinction for most people, so we’ll come back to this topic some other day.

For now, let’s focus on this idea of ‘balance’.  Dictionary.com offers two definitions:

1. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady
2. A condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.  

There are things about these definitions that I like and things that I don’t, as they apply to Life Design.  I like the idea of keeping something ‘upright and steady’, as a metaphor for our Life Design.  Upright and steady feels like something we should aspire towards.  My concern is around the phrases, ‘even distribution’ and ‘elements are equal’.  When it comes to Life Design, this type of thinking can get us into trouble.  The problem comes down to this…What, exactly are we measuring?  

In the case of work-life balance, are we measuring the amount of time spent in each area?  Can you really measure that?  If I’m asleep in the bed next to my spouse, does that go in the ‘Life’ bucket?  There goes a third of my life, right there.  If I’m on vacation with my family, surely that counts towards ‘Life’, but I pay for that vacation with the money that I earned from working, so how does that math work?  Holding this as an equation quickly becomes problematic.

 Perhaps this feels like a semantic argument to you.  After all, people don’t really think about work-life balance as an equation that must be solved for the missing variable, X.  Do they?  In my experience, that is often what we do, albeit subconsciously.  Not only do we have a balancing-equation, but each participant must choose a side, just like we did on those evil, playground-contraptions when we were kids. (Do they even make those things anymore?)  My boss on one side, me on the other.  Me on one side, my spouse and kids on the other.  One side goes up and the other side goes down.  Think about the conversations you have.  Do they feel like this?  

A Better Metaphor

Instead of seeking balance, I find that seeking harmony works better.  Dictionary.com defines harmony as:

• The combining of simultaneously sounded musical notes to produce chords and chord progressions having a pleasing effect.  

As it relates to Life Design, there is a lot to like about this metaphor.  The first thing that jumps out to me is the notion of simultaneity.  The elements of our lives are not separate and distinct.  Rather, they are constantly arising and continuously mixing.  The participants are not opposing forces sitting on opposite sides of some precariously balanced beam.  We’re sitting next to one another, each with our own unique voice.  And our performance is a collaboration.

 I also like the freedom that comes from the word, ‘pleasing’.  It creates room for subjective truth, whereas ‘balance’ carries a definitive right or wrong assessment.  Of course, ‘pleasing’ begs the question…Pleasing to whom?  Of course, you know the answer…pleasing to everyone.  Life is a collaborative-project and everyone has a voice. If we ignore some voices, or overly favor others, we’ll throw off the harmony.  

The Challenge

• Notice the areas of your life where you are experiencing dis-harmony.  
• Examine the ways in which you are dealing with this problem.  Are you treating it like an equation that must be balanced?
• Do you feel stuck between two opposing forces?
• Do your conversations have a distinct ‘either-or’ flavor?  
• Are there structures (systems, processes, patterns, habits, behaviors) emerging that reinforce the distinctions between sides?  

Is your life in harmony right now?  Not sure?  Well, you are in luck.  Today we are launching our new Life Design Jumpstart kit.  In it you’ll find the Assessment and Planning Tool, which will give you an excellent head start on figuring out exactly where you are on key and where you may be slightly off.  You can grab it for free right here.  

I hope you enjoy it.

Prosperous Journey,

-zog 

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Photo-credit:  https://pixabay.com/en/users/myriams-fotos-1627417/