Intentional Tuesdays

Most of us live our entire lives in a state of mild distraction.  I literally can’t complete this sentence without my mind wandering to a dozen unrelated things.  Whew.  That was exhausting.  Why do I do this?  Is there anything I can do about it?  I went to the moon to find out. 

Ok, maybe it wasn’t the moon, but it was what I imagine the moon would be like.  In fact, I was in Joshua Tree National Park.  My plan was to make this a mini vision quest, which includes 3 major elements: nature, fasting, and solitude.  Unlike my previous vision quest, I didn’t have any particular “topic” that I wanted to explore.  But, with my wedding a mere 30 days away, it seemed like a good time to get away and spend some time with the wild horses that roam the vast emptiness between my ears.  

Since my goal was to be alone and spring is a popular time to visit Joshua Tree, I entered the park at one of the less...

Ahhhh, spring.  The season of rebirth.  We gratefully shed those heavy winter layers in favor of something lighter and less restrictive.  For many, the season holds a tradition of "spring cleaning" where we go through our homes and rid ourselves of unnecessary clutter and accumulations.  The ritual is as much a mental exercise as a practical one.  It feels good to toss away our baggage and start anew.    

This year, while you are cleaning up your closest and your garage, why not take some time to set your entire life in order?  Wait.  What?  You don't know where to start?  Luckily I have a simple framework that will help you take inventory and get cleaning.  The idea is simple.  To guide you, we'll use five categories: 

• Health - What is your current state of your body?  
• Work - Are you doing work that allows you to meet your obligations while simultaneously bringing you joy?
• Relationships - Do you have...

Recently, a friend came to me to get my thoughts on a dilemma she was facing.  She had just received a really great job offer that would allow her to make a lot more money, offered tremendous career development opportunity, and would shorten her commute, to boot.  “What’s the problem?” I asked?   She said,  “I feel like the work that I do in my current job is really important.  I feel like I’m doing good in the world and I don't want to lose that.”  My friend was experiencing “diverging journeys” and by recognizing this she would be able to stand confidently in her decision about whether to take the new job or stay in her current one. 

Each of us is simultaneously living two distinct journeys.  In their lecture, The Hero’s 2 Journeys, authors and screenwriters Michael Hauge and Christopher Vogler describe the inner journey and the outer journey.  The hero’s outer journey is...

In his Masterclass on screenwriting, Aaron Sorkin contrasts writing to painting a fence.  He says that writing requires you to be in a good mood, but your mood doesn’t matter when it comes to painting a fence.  Sorkin's point is that to do our best work, we must be in the right frame of mind.  Mindless work, such as painting a fence, only requires we go through the motions.  Painting fences is my specialty.  

I often find myself choosing to do mindless work when I know that I should be doing something else.   I do this all the time.  In fact, I did it 30 seconds ago while writing this blog post.  I saw an email come in that I knew I could deal with immediately and I shifted my attention to address that, rather than focus on the more challenging task of writing.  I didn’t judge the email to be a higher priority, my subconscious recognized it as an easy opportunity for victory, so I took it.  Of course, this...

I love a good debate, but I think that one of my biggest areas for personal growth is my ability to preserve the relationship while advocating my position.  I often find myself so wrapped up in making my case that I forget I am engaged in conversation with another human.  My attention is consumed by ensuring the soundness of my argument rather than the soundness of the connection between us.  Although I may end up getting the conversational upper-hand, I do so at the cost of damaging the relationship.  Why do I allow this to happen?  It happens because I am choosing the wrong mode of discourse.  I am using debate even though I rarely find myself in a situation that requires true debate.  Normal, everyday situations require dialog.  These two words, debate and dialog, sound alike but they are very different both in their form and in their purpose.  Debate is a formal argument, the point of which is to persuade, although the target of your...

There are only two human emotions that matter: Love and Fear.  The rest are simply variations of these.  Every important decision we make is reducible to either Love, Fear, or a combination of both.  When I first encountered this proposition, many years ago, I thought the concept was so simple that it was not worth my attention. Still, I experimented with the concept and that is when I realized the simplicity is what makes it so powerful.  By examining your decisions and actions through the lenses of Love and Fear you will become more skillful at navigating the most challenging situations.  

First, we’ll start with a simple definition of Love and Fear.  I think we each have an embodied sense of what these words mean, but I think these definitions will help to establish a common baseline.  The biggest resistance that I get when I suggest there are only two emotions is that people feel there are other emotions that don’t reduce to these...

Kintsukuroi is a Japanese word that refers to the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver to join the pieces together. Fundamental to Kintsukuroi is the understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken. Kintsukoroi views the breakage as part of the object's history and something to be cherished rather than something to be hidden. There is beauty and honor in the cracks and chips that come from authentic use.

I began thinking about Kintsukuroi in the context of my own life and what it would look like if I adopted a Kintsukuroi mindset. One thing is for certain. I would take more risks. I would put myself out there even though there is a chance that I might fail. I’m certain that I miss many opportunities because I fear taking the first step.

Beyond missing opportunities, this risk aversity has an insidious effect. Because I avoid failure I don’t have the opportunity to learn from my setbacks. Not only are some of life’s best lessons found...