Happiness Isn't Random

Given the choice between certainty and randomness, we usually choose certainty.  Sometimes, even if we know the choice that we’re making is not great, we’ll opt for the devil we know.  There is comfort in certainty.  There is safety in certainty.  Of course, certainty is an illusion. But we’ll get to that soon enough.  

I’ve you’ve spent much time around the Life Design Center, you’ve heard me talk about fear.  I like talking about it. That’s because fear is the number one reason, by far, that people don’t take the necessary steps towards improving their lives.  Instead of taking action, many people prefer to stand still and simply endure.  They do their best to adapt to make their current circumstances tolerable.  They make the best of a crummy job, a failing relationship, deteriorating health…you get the idea.  If this sounds familiar, fear not, you’re not alone. 

A big part of people’s decision to put up with sub-optimal circumstances is their belief that, although things are not great, at least they won’t get any worse. How sad is that?

Not only is this sad, it is flawed logic.  When it comes to Life Design, I always say there are no certainties.  Well, there is one certainty.  Unless you are intentional about making changes to your Life Design, then not much is going to change for the better.  Sure, there is always the remote possibility of random, lucky events.  But how often do these really happen?  When was the last time something truly random had a huge positive impact on your life? 

If you have an example, look at it closely.  Was it truly random or were you doing things in your life that made you more likely to encounter such a random occurrence?  If you met the love of your life, did it happen because you were sitting on your couch watching Game of Thrones or were you out in the real world, living with an open mind and an open heart?  If you stumbled into a great job opportunity, was it truly luck or were you in a state of mind that allowed you to see an opportunity in that moment when you otherwise might have dismissed it as folly?  My guess is that you were doing more to help your own cause than you originally thought. 

Life Design is about intentionality.  Intentionality doesn’t mean total control or the elimination of randomness.  These are impossible.  However, if you are intentional, you will be in a much stronger position to notice the positive random events and less likely to get derailed by the inevitable negative ones.  Being intentional doesn’t mean being certain.  Being intentional means being conscious.  It means being awake and active.  

Being in motion is almost always better than sitting still.  Not much happens when we are sitting still.  (My apologies to all the meditators out there.  I’m talking about a different kind of stillness.)

Here’s a little thought experiment to help you appreciate the connection between randomness and intentionality. 

1. Identify something in your life that is extremely important to you.
2. Identify the steps and the sequences of events that led to that thing coming into existence.
3. Within those steps, notice the times when things could have easily gone a different direction, one that would have resulted in a totally different, and potentially less desirable, outcome.
4. Notice how small, and seemingly insignificant at the time, these things might be.  How small of an event can you identify?  
5. Notice whether you were in a state of action or inaction when that happened.  Were you actively inviting change into your life?  Even if you find that you were not actively making change, was your mind and heart embracing of change, or did you violently resist it?  

Most people find that when good things happened, they were actively trying to make good things happen.  Because they were approaching their lives with an intentional mindset, they were much more open to the positive random events that occurred.  In all likelihood, there were some negative random events mixed, in, but these were quickly overcome with positive momentum.  

What do you think?  Can you identify a micro-moment when your life changed for the better?  Can you tie this moment to some degree of intentionality that you had?  I’d love to hear your story in the comments below!

Prosperous Journey,

-zog

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Photo by Jonathan Petersson on Unsplash