Help Me Change Your Mind

When was the last time you changed your mind about something?  I’m not talking about some in-the-moment decision, like ordering the steak or the quinoas salad.  I’m talking about changing your mind on an important topic or even changing one of your core beliefs.  I asked myself this question…when was the last time that I changed my mind?  The answer was alarming.

I’ll save the deep exploration of my own thinking for the video portion of this post.  Suffice to say, I found it really difficult to come up with examples where I changed my mind on a significant topic. This surprised me, because I see myself as an open-minded person.  If that is true, then why don’t I have a bunch of examples where I changed my mind?  Is it because I’m just on the right side of the argument most of the time?  Wait, don’t answer that.

Let’s talk about the phenomenon of changing our minds.  To keep us on track, I’ll focus on three key questions:

• Why do we resist changing our minds?
• What are the implications of this resistance?
• What can we do to lessen the resistance?

Why Do We Resist?

Simply put, we love being right and we hate being wrong even more.  It seems obvious, but what is really going on here?  It’s a survival instinct, I think.  I probably should not pet the grizzly bear.  If I admit I’m wrong in front of my team, it may undermine my authority.  If I admit that I’m wrong to my spouse, she may think less of me, or worse, she may use it as leverage against me in the future. So much of our personal identities are invested in our ideas and our positions, no wonder the idea of surrendering them feels threatening. 

This happens at a cultural level too.  Humans love being part of a tribe.  We’ll do anything to preserve our place in the tribe, which means going along with the prescribed set of positions and beliefs, even if we find contrary evidence.  Scientists call this cultural cognition.  

On some level, changing our minds represents a threat to our very existence.  No wonder we are slow to move.

What is at stake?

Well.  Everything, actually.  The implications of clinging to bad ideas are far reaching.  

For example, how will people view your leadership if they know that it is impossible to influence you with evidence and rational argument?  How will your personal relationships be if people feel they must always come over to your side of the argument?  How long will you live if you cling to the belief that a diet consisting solely of vodka and ice cream is really good for you?

Your health, your career, every relationship, even your very soul is at stake.  Do you want to make decisions based on accurate information on inaccurate information?  Of course, the answer is obvious.  

What can we do?

How can we make ourselves more likely to change our minds in light of better information?  Is it even possible?  I hope so and there is evidence to support this.  Here are a few ideas: 

• Give Yourself and Excuse - As we discussed earlier, when it comes to changing your mind your very identity is at stake.  One way to overcome this problem is to remind yourself that your original positions and beliefs were based on the evidence that you had at the time.  Now, you have new information and thus you are REQUIRED to reformulate your position.  
• Pump Yourself Up - This may sound counter-intuitive, but there is evidence to show that reminding yourself that you are a good, worthy person right before engaging with arguments that are contrary to your own is a helpful exercise.  For example, if you recall a moment from your past when you acted in a logical and honorable way and it resulted in a positive outcome, this bolsters your ego such that you are open to challenges that come from potentially shifting your current beliefs.  
• Assess your Bias - How deeply are you holding your position?  Ask yourself this question…What evidence or facts would cause me to change my position?  If the answer is ’none’, then you have a problem.  
• Practice Empathy - When we encounter someone with opinions and beliefs that differ from our own, our natural reaction is often to attack the credibility of the other person, either outwardly or in the privacy of our own thoughts.  ‘People who think like that are idiots, racists, criminals, etc.’  If you tend to go down this path, it’s logical that you’ll assume other people are doing the same to you.  This will reinforce the identity crisis and the need to always be right.  Not only that, but holding your conversational counterpart as “less than” is never a good foundation for trust and connection.  Instead of ad hominem attacks, try to deeply appreciate their position and try to understand how and why they believe what they believe.  
• Name Your Friends and Foes - Which tribes do you belong to and what are the rules that govern that belonging?  Once you notice this, notice the tribes that are in opposition to your own and notice the corresponding rules that stand in opposition to your own.  Simply naming and noticing these boundaries will be a useful step towards breaking them down. You can begin to consider your series of beliefs as individual nuggets rather than having to accept the whole lot.  

Summary and Call to Action

We are wired to cling to our ideas and beliefs, even if better ideas and evidence come available.  Although this may provide a temporary sense of stability and comfort, it does not offer a tenable long-term strategy for living.  We need to practice changing our mind so that we can ensure that we’re always standing on solid ground. 

Prosperous Journey,

-zog

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Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash